How To End The Tug-o-War Inside Yourself

Do you ever feel like there is a war going on inside you? A tug-o-war of wants. That constant oscillation between what you want and desire, and the opposing thoughts thrown up by your monkey mind.

You may desire something – to write a book, run a business, exercise more, get a promotion. So you take inspired steps towards that desire, and then an all-too-familiar war breaks out. The not enough war, that drags you back in the other direction.

The war refers to your thoughts and feelings arise telling you that you’re not successful enough. Not serious enough. Not disciplined enough. Not smart enough. Not ambitious enough.

Then, you are reminded of how smart you are. How driven you are. That you are enough. And off you go, pulled back in the direction towards your desires and inspired action-taking.

This back-and-forth is exhausting.

You may wonder, at times, if this game will ever end. I know those thoughts certainly come up for me. Some of my strongest desires hit up against equally-strong, longtime limiting beliefs, and it can feel like I’ve been playing tug-o-war for decades!

(So, if you feel like you’re alone in this game of tug-o-war – I have news for you. You’re not alone. Having witnessed the inner workings of many people’s minds, you’re in good company!)

Ending the tug-o-war is within your grasp.

Lately I have pondered what relief from this war looks like, and realised I longed for the feeling of inner peace. I wanted equilibrium – to be in the middle – to be balanced.

Yet, I realised that equilibrium would mean being stuck in a place between not enough and enough.

Where I wanted to be was fully and squarely on one side of the tug-o-war. And that side was to be, feel and know that I am enough.

I am enough. So are you.

Reaching that place is possible, but it may take a different approach to what you may expect. 

It has been said that you can’t solve a problem using the same mind that created it. And when it comes to releasing our limiting beliefs, that also holds true. It is difficult to talk yourself out of a belief, as you can fall into that battle again between two opposing thoughts.

Instead, you can look to the higher self within you. 

The one that is already enough.

To do so, we let go of our ‘little self’, that is, our identities and egos caught up in the narrative of our monkey mind. (Even if we have a mountain of direct evidence that proves all the times we were successful, driven, serious, smart and ambitious. How quick are we to dismiss those!).

How do you access your higher self – the one that is enough – and let go of your little self?

A great place to start is through meditation. In particular, practice sitting in stillness and accessing the higher self that is detached from the thoughts that arise.

When I sit in silence from this place, a feeling of constancy, enoughness and stability washes over me. I can see clearer. I can take in that mountain of evidence that shows proof of my enoughness. I feel a sense of peace. 

Often I’m able to access my higher self while in nature. Or when I am listening to beautiful music and let my body move through it’s own impulses rather than being guided by my mind.

You may already know how to access your higher self. My husband finds it when running or playing musical instruments. Other people find when creating art, and others describe riding their bikes each Sunday as going to ‘church’. You may have heard people describing their stress-relieving interests in this way.

Practical take-away: 

I invite you now to have a think about what helps you go inwards and access your higher self.  Write it down and keep it somewhere accessible.

That way, the next time you go into an inner tug-o-war, you have something in your toolkit that can guide you back to peace and a feeling of connection back to yourself and your desires. 

Remember, you are enough!